Things With Wings

New Jersey.  That's what you want to know about. Where I live it is nothing like Jersey Shore or Real Housewives of New Jersey. I live in a darling historic town that is too good to be true, hemmed in by crazy traffic and miles of strip malls and u-turns. Somewhere out there is Philadelphia (hope to post some pics from our Fairmount Park exploration) and the southern shore (hope to post some pics from our Cape May exploration). We have a huge park field behind us that is great for playing frisbee.

The condo itself is nice - hard to get used to some things about it. I did, after all, appreciate several things about my house in Syracuse. One of the things I have been working hardest at is the storage/organization issue. I do have a lovely kitchen.

One night, I was shutting the kitchen down for the night, so to speak, when I heard a flutter or scratching in the vent above the kitchen stove. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something dark and winged and I beelined out of there.  On my way up the stairs I informed Jeff of its presence and where I could be located until it was gone. In the bedroom with the door closed.

It was a bat.

I really like bats. Outside. In zoos. Even in caves - EVEN the same ones I am in. I appreciate what they do. But I do NOT like them in a house with me.

Jeff kept trying to get me downstairs to "answer questions." Here is why he was unsuccessful:

1. I am not paralyzingly afraid of too many things - I don't think. But things with wings trapped in my house?!
2. Too much of my marriage is entrenched in traditional gender roles. That is a nice way of saying I do EVERYTHING that might have anything to do with "women's work." Meaning I do ALL of the laundry (folding, ironing too), ALL of the grocery shopping/meal planning/cooking/clean-up, ALL of the cleaning - vacuuming, dusting, bathroom scrubbing, kitchen scrubbing, ALL of the shopping for birthdays and such...you get the idea. And I did this all while I worked full time as well. This has earned me the right to say "Ohhh - that's YOUR job!" when a mouse or BAT enters the house.
3. On top of all the women's work I do plenty of "man's work" too. When Jeff moved to Jersey, back in New York, I mowed the lawn and weed-whacked and all of that. I shoveled lots of snow. I often hauled garbage back and forth. I participated in house projects - lifted thousands of pounds in lawnscaping materials to tear out and put in a new front walk. This has earned me insurance against participating in critter removal because critter removal is one of the ONLY jobs that is exclusively still my husband's.
4. I just would not be helpful in the situation.

Somehow Jeff got the bat to go back outside. The next day, we heard scratching noises in the attic. Jeff called the landlord (YAY!YAY! We get to call the LANDLORD now when stuff goes wrong!") and she said she would get someone out to look.

Severely cramping my day's schedule came the critter-getter guy. He informed me that there were 50-60 bats living up in the shared attic space of the condos. He showed me where they were getting in (bats can get through a 1/4-1/2 inch space) and said they had to be removed and all spaces sealed. Bats are protected, however, and this is their "brooding" season (they have baby bats up there) and you cannot remove them legally until after "brooding season" (End of August). After he left, I promptly duct-taped around the attic opening. I am quite sure there were 1/4 inch gaps.

As a side note, I would like to point out that while there were bats in the woods behind my Syracuse house, there was never one inside my house. And there were WAY less mosquitos in my Syracuse yard. These Jersey bats are spending far too much time hanging out in my attic and not enough time eating mosquitos.

The landlord is rather flustered. More than I am. I find that a little odd since she is not living with the bats. On the other hand, she is the one that will foot this bill (YAY! YAY! We get to have the LANDLORD pay when stuff goes wrong!) As part of the condo association, she informed my poor elderly next-door neighbor who is probably the most flustered.

Benefits of having elderly neighbors:
1. They keep an eye on everything. Even your children.
2. They prize law & order.
3. They will call every person in town until something is put right.

So my neighbor has been calling everyone she can think of to get rid of the bats. She told me she thinks the law about waiting until the end of August is "stupid!" She is also nervous about the bats getting into her house. "I'm all alone!"

At which point, I offered up my husband's services if a bat enters her home.