Every day now, when the mail crashes through the slot in the front door and the dog (every time) growls and barks its arrival, we pick up a fat stack of envelopes, at least half of which are addressed to Molly. They are letters from colleges. Colleges all over the Northeast and Midatlantic region are sending my sweet sophomore invitations to attend their school.
When did this happen? I know technically it happened after the release of PSAT scores, but I mean, in my life how did things get to be at this point in time? Jeff and I, honestly, have been slowly realizing the day is closer rather than farther now, that we will pack our firstborn off to college. While I would chop off each arm to ensure each of my girls' graduation from college, it still doesn't mean I relish the thought of them leaving my home.
Friday night, Jeff and I happened to find ourselves alone at dinner. Each daughter had been asked to spend an impromptu dinner with separate friends, and I already had a big pot of soup ready. The pick up time for Anna was not all that late, neither Jeff nor I felt particularly well, we are trying hard to stick to a budget (Jeff calorie-wise as well), and I was on call. So while normally we would seize the opportunity for a date, we didn't. As we sat across the table from one another I said, "In not so many years, this is what it will be like for us, every night. No kids at dinner." And we both felt a stab to the heart. It is one thing to be out on a date and another spending every single evening no longer in the company of our kids. Now I realize that our kids are at an age that dinner is enjoyable. No one is spilling milk or crying to get down anymore. Usually.
Jeff started talking about foster parenting. I don't know - on one hand I could be so dedicated to my work if I didn't have to worry about being home to help with homework and shuttle kids to activities and such. Jeff and I could spend time on hobbies and volunteer work and things we don't have time for now. On the other hand, I really like the stage my family is in now and I would like to stop time and wallow in this for a bit. I don't want to think about no longer having their now long-and-skinny-not-short-and-chubby arms hug me every night before bed. I want to know they are safe in their rooms not wandering a college campus with some untrustworthy punk with beer.
Moll is a good kid. She is reasonably responsible (she will lock herself out of her own apartment at least once, lose her car keys at least once, and run out of gas at least once in her first year on her own, but apart from that....) She has amazing awareness of her own values. It is soon her time to dip her toes into the kinds of classes she wants to take to put her on a certain career path, to decide what activities are worth filling her time with, and who she wants to accompany her along the way. She deserves to have this be an exciting, fun time of life and I am excited for her. But I also told Jeff we need to find a way of scaring away ill-intentioned hot guys who sing and play the guitar well.
Molly's life is full of potential and I am glad that we are in this spot because it's what should happen. But I am really going to worry. And most of all, I am really, really, REALLY going to miss her.
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