Noticing

My husband does not notice a lot of things.  He does not EVER notice that the house needs to be picked up, or floors vacuumed.  He does not often notice that the trash needs to be taken out (his one house-workish job).  He does not notice when his shaving cream or medicine is running low until they are completely gone and he needs them now.  But these things I talk about on a regular basis.  What I do not talk about are all the things he does notice.  I would rather him never ever notice something needing to be done around the house and continue to notice all the things he does.

On Sunday, we were running an errand and suddenly my husband was slowing down the car and rolling down the window. "Need some help?" he asked cheerfully.  The lady in the car that was stopped in the street (that I did not notice) had a short exchange with him in which he figured out that she ran out of gas.  He told her he would be right over to help and quickly pulled our car into the nearest parking lot.

Jeff shines in these moments.  Because he is big, cool-headed, and self-assured, he takes charge of situations.  And this lady was happy to let him.  Because he has a kind face and good-natured personality (and maybe a wife and child in tow), people trust him.  He told her to steer the car and he would push her to the parking lot, and he did.  Then she was in our car and we were giving her a ride to the nearest gas station.  She had never run out of gas before and was unsure of what to do.  Jeff used to carry a gas can around in his car, in his totally irresponsible pre-daddy days, he ran out of gas so often.  (Jeff used to not notice when his car needed gas).  He told her we needed to get a gas can, fill it with gas, and put it in the car.  Except in New Jersey, you are not allowed to touch the pumps so the attendant does it for you.  But there was a thirty dollar deposit needed and she didn't have that much, so without blinking Jeff took care of it.  He drove her back to her car, and put the gas in it for her since she seemed nervous about that.  He made sure her car started, and then we returned the gas can.

Our nine-year-old daughter watched this whole thing go down without a word.  When we had returned the can and went back to our errands, she piped up, "You know, Daddy, you are a really nice guy. That was a nice thing you did."

May that scene be forever etched onto my daughter's brain; this is the kind of guy worth marrying. The kind of guy whose natural response is to lend a hand to someone needing it.

This is not a one-time thing for Jeff, this helping people out.  Once, at a parade I wasn't attending because I was pregnant and on bedrest, someone in the parade apparently fell.  My sister told me the story and said Jeff was the only one in  the whole crowd/parade who ran over to see if the person was ok. My sister developed a standard of expecting guys to bring you food when you say you are hungry, because this is what Jeff modeled to her when we were dating.  He even brought her food sometimes. Her poor husband  (who is a totally great guy! Bringing people food just isn't his thing...) got an earful when she was left in the hospital to eat hospital food alone one evening while he left to eat elsewhere.  "Jeff brings Tiffany food when she's in the hospital! In fact, if I called Jeff right now he would bring me food!" Her husband was confused: was the hospital not charging them for this food they brought her? But she knew that Jeff brought pizza, Indian food, whatever to the hospital at every evening meal when I was there. Jeff also once accompanied her to an eye doctor appointment when she was young and single because she was nervous to go alone (I was at work and my other sister was like, 11 years old, in case you were wondering).

Jeff notices when new mothers are exhausted and holds their crying babies for them. For a long time. While the baby is crying.  Other people's crying babies.  I don't know a whole lot of other guys who volunteer to do that.  And what grandson spends part of his college spring break visiting his grandmothers?

Jeff notices when a niece or nephew needs a little extra attention, and will spend time playing catch or wrestling, or playing a game.  When he was a teacher, he noticed when his students needed extra help and stayed after every day to offer assistance to the ones struggling. 

Of course, he also notices things like a daughter spending too much time texting while she is supposed to be doing her homework or when a daughter sticks her tongue out at him behind his back. He might not notice if they never touch another vegetable again or stop brushing their teeth, but things that have to do with their character do not escape him. 

Sometimes you get stuck seeing a beloved, but familiar, person in a certain light and it is a good thing when the light shifts and you see them in a way that allows you to appreciate their beauty.