On Call

In my new position, I am experiencing for the first time in my professional life being "on call."  I am the Domestic Violence Response Team coordinator for my county, which means that part of my job is managing all of the Domestic Violence Response Team (DVRT henceforth) volunteers who respond to domestic violence calls in our county. So, I do some crisis response too.  When a police department gets a dv call, the DVRT is activated and a responder arrives on the scene to provide crisis assistance to the victim - listening, providing resources, safety planning, etc.  I take shifts of being "on call," meaning that if I am alerted, I must arrive at the activating police department in 20 minutes. We encourage volunteers to not severely alter their lives when on call: No, don't plan a beach day, but yes, you can go to the grocery.  But...

This produces some anxiety in me. I don't like being on call. It's hard to have my life on semi-hold.  I jump every time the phone rings. And speaking of that, I will soon be carrying the phone that all of the responders call when they have a difficult situation or question. My boss wisely is still carrying that phone.

 I get paid for this. The volunteers don't. They are amazingly generous people. I have never done volunteer work this completely demanding of my schedule. It is pretty humbling being the person they report to. I put the schedules together and generally end up taking, within reason, the shifts no one else can take on the teams I respond to.  Which means I get some times I would not have signed up for. Like the next 2 days. My kids are off school and Jeff is not able to be home with them. This means Molly might have to come home immediately to be with her sister if I get a call. 

The girls have an idea of what I do, each according to her age, and I talked with them about needing them to be extra cooperative the next few days. I have felt a bit guilty (what a surprise!) about taking a job with these demands.  It means some time away from them that other jobs might not require.  When I was explaining the upcoming situation, Anna asked,  "Well, can't you just take me with you if you get a call?"

I told her that no, this is crisis response and it's not coming to my office. It would be coming to a police station and dealing with something bad that happened. She asked if it was safe and I assured her that yes, I am safe, it's just not something kids should be around for. 

She was quiet a minute then said, "I don't know anybody else with a job like yours."

I was half-expecting a "I don't like your job, I wish you didn't have to work so much..." but she went on to say, "Your job is really cool, Mom. It is so cool that you help people at your job. I wish I could help people like you do."

I was floored. I assured her that by being so cooperative and understanding she is helping people. 

As families, we are on call for one another, aren't we? Besides the obvious 24/7 on call of having an infant, we are on stand-by to assist each other's dreams and plans.  In our family, we all feel like we own a piece of that MSU PhD.  And everybody owns a piece of my WSU degree too.  The cross-country victories, the theater performances, the volunteer projects, the careers - we have to work together to make it happen. I feel badly making my family, in a sense, be on call with me.  But Anna's comment gave me fresh perspective. On the other side of that coin, it allows them to be part of something bigger than us. I've tried to examine my heart to see if I am just justifying again, but I don't think so.  I think this is part of how my kids will learn their responsibility in the world, to other humans.