The Effort of Change

These are my new running shoes

                                      
They are fine.  But I don't love them.

Not because of how they fit, or how they look (all running shoes are this bright at this moment in time). They aren't hurting my feet. I bought them at the local running store I can walk to. They're great.

Here's the story: I went to the running store to simply replace the pair of New Balances I had.  The clerk informed me that the model was discontinued (I swear it just came out!) and brought out the new version.  I eyed it suspiciously.  It looked A LOT different.

"Really? This is the same line?"
I tucked my suspicion under my trust in New Balance as this has happened many times in the 8 plus years I have been buying each updated version of this New Balance shoe. The neutral, lightweight,  Made in the USA model.

They. Were. Awful.

I ran around in them. I tried different socks. They squeezed my toes like nobody's business.

In shock I announced that these were not going to work.  The clerk brought out these Saucony's and the shoes that happened to be the ones Molly is training in right now. Obviously I had him march those right back because there is no way; I refuse to be guilty of embarrassing my 15 year old by running around town in the same shoes as her.

So why the fuss about the new shoes, right?

When I switched to New Balance, it was a deliberate decision full of research and conviction. At the time I had been wearing Nikes that were honestly probably the most comfortable shoes I have ever worn.  But New Balance was the only company 8 plus years ago that could assure me that they paid attention to conditions in their workshops and had shoes made in the USA.  

Now I am at the place of departure from something I have held tight. I am in this place more than I like to be.

 Will I write New Balance a note? Is it more important to support my neighbors and town and buy local? Which conviction holds more weight? Decisions, decisions....

I get tired of this sometimes.

Some days, like today, I don't want any motion. I just want to stay. Today I don't want to try to be sociable with people I barely know and risk a polite but unmistakeably cold shoulder. I don't want to rearrange my already difficult schedule to try to fit in a running group or book group or Bible study so that I can "make friends." I just want to join my old friends or go for a run with my old running partner. I want to tell the fashionably rude New Jersey people I rub shoulders with in the store to get over themselves because most places in the country think this is not acceptable.  I want to wake up in a place where I won't have to think hard about where I am driving. 

My new town is lovely. My kids' schools are good. Things are good in the way that my new running shoes are good. But it requires forward motion, which is no small effort, and today I want to curl up in my old family room and build a fire in my old fire place and look out on my old backyard. I want to have a conversation with my old neighbor and hug my daughter's old friends.

It's really not a big deal. I just feel the need to make a record of feeling this way.  Even though things aren't bad, sometimes I just get tired of the effort, you know?