Heartache, Once Removed

My daughter is about to be an adult and yet I still have a strange ability to know when something is hurting her, even if she is not in my presence. This is not unique to me, nor should it surprise me that I possess mother's intuition, but yet it always does surprise me when I know in my gut that something has happened and it turns out I'm right.

But I don't want to be right. Because with the intuition comes the ache that is felt not as acutely as my daughter feels it, but deeper than it seems I should. This pain also surprises me. Maybe because at the same time my mind says "This is a normal part of being a teenager."

I wonder if part of the apprehension of sending children off to college is composed of our dread of the anxiety and hurt we know is probably coming to them. We know there will be times they are sitting in their dorm room feeling lonely and friendless. We know there's a good chance their hearts may be broken by a love that doesn't last. We know there are times they will want to curl up on a comfy couch with the family pet, mom's warm chocolate chip cookies, and their favorite mug filled with mom's homemade hot chocolate and they will have only a drab, messy dorm room and a bag of Doritos. We know that the joy of making a great group of college friends, figuring out what it is that they want to do in the world and actually working towards that, learning to be independent, and possibly finding their soulmate make the risk of the loneliness and discomfort and heartbreak worth the try.

Paradoxically, I don't always know what my daughter needs in these moments. I usually awkwardly try to give her space and simultaneously let her know I am right here. Seemingly, the right balance is struck, but how does one know for sure? No matter how inexpertly I handle her hurt, I hope she knows she is absolutely cherished and that I love her.