So I had to take a vacation day.
What?! Who says that?! I specifically have lamented on this blog about not having enough vacation time! At the agency I currently work, we accrue so many vacation hours per week, and if you do not spend them before you hit your maximum accrual number, you stop accruing them. I try hard to hoard all my days until summer when the kids are out of school. But it's May and my boss told me I had hit my limit. I protested mightily about how much I had to do in the office and couldn't afford the time and she looked me in the eye and said, "I can't tell you what to do, but generally if you are in a spot where you are going to forfeit vacation time, you're probably in a spot where you need to take some."
Today I had a vacation day and no children out of school, family in town, or trip
to go on. What to do with this? Yes I could clean the house or do yard work but this is a vacation day.
We will not take an out West family vacation this year. Someone is graduating and going to Nicaragua and college so it's not going to work out. We used to take a trip to Myrtle Beach every few years or so with Jeff's family, but not this year. We are going to a lake house in Michigan. Anna asked if we were ever going to Myrtle Beach again, and we said we didn't know. She asked if we wanted to (she absolutely does), and we responded that with the ocean so near, it wasn't really a priority for us. The one thing I miss that I don't do on our daytrips to the ocean: on the Myrtle Beach vacations my favorite thing was to get up sunrise-early and run on the beach.
Then it dawned on me. It is a weekday in May, and Long Beach Island will not be crowded. I live an hour and ten minutes away. I could go run on the beach.
(I feel at this point I should inform my Midwestern readers how very high the price tag for living in this part of the country).
Technically, I couldn't run away for the entire day, so I got some things done, then packed a beach bag and left. The forecast said no rain, but dark clouds and fog hung over the island on my arrival. Still,
my run was quiet and lovely and the kind of cleansing experience it is alongside the ocean. After I ran, I spent the next hour or so in solitude - praying, reading, listening, journaling. And as I did, the sun came out, painted the sky varying shades of blue, and threw sparkles on the waves. So I did need some time away after all. I didn't realize how much this was what my soul had been craving.
I can count on one hand the times I have actually taken time out of my schedule to practice solitude, but the times I have, I acquire a little more peace, clarity, and gratitude. Ocean as far as I could see and grains of sand I couldn't count gently reminded me of my insignificance, which is paradoxically freeing. You see, sometimes I get burdened by all that I believe I should have accomplished, all that I am not. Then I slip into paralysis and do not tend to the responsibilities in front of my face. Remembering my insignificance releases me from my grandiose expectations and reminds me to be.here.
Tomorrow I know what my work schedule looks like and it promises to be a busy, immersing, all-brainpower-on-deck kind of day. The impending graduation, Nicaragua trip, and end of the school year obligations are demanding my attention.
Ok, now I'm ready.
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