A sense of peace is with me today that I did not expect. Sadness, wistfulness, and anxiousness were what I thought I would be experiencing. No, it's peace. Surprisingly. Peace isn't usually something I have a corner on.
Today is the last day of summer for the girls and I. Everything changes tomorrow. School starts, but for Anna, it's also the start of going to school ALL day. For a little girl who had a not-so-good year last year, this is overwhelming. I also start working at Visions for Change tomorrow as "the intern." The summer was great, in so many ways. This might very well be the very last of my stay-at-home mom days.
It was a good run. Lots of frustration and boredom and swallowing disrespect. Lots of baby smiles and cuddles, long walks, trips to parks and zoos and museums, volunteering in classrooms and pampering sick kids and such too. I got used to being able to do things like home-make everything from granola to dinner, garden, knit, run, and work on a degree around my kids' schedule. I got to go to just about every performance and game. I sometimes locked myself in the bathroom and cried, wondering if they'd just be better off not being at home with me. I also sometimes sat with sunshine on my face with a heart full of the sound of little giggles, basking in a beautiful day in a beautiful place with a beautiful child and maybe a beautiful friend or two and their beautiful children and wonder if it was kind of illegal to be enjoying myself so much on the job. Most of the time, the days just went on in their comfortable rhythm in such a way that seemed they would go on as such for a long, long time. But it wasn't a long time after all.
Tomorrow, somehow, does not seem daunting. It seems like the obvious next step, the way the path is turning. Molly is starting 8th grade as a wonderful, level-headed, and lovely kid with good friends. Just 2 years ago I was sick with worry about her first day at a new school in a new place. She's flourishing. Anna and I went into her classroom today to meet her new teacher and I liked her immediately. Anna liked her too and I knew she felt comfortable with her. Anna walked out of the building with a bounce in her step and a smile on her face, which she did not have walking in.
We'll be busy, we'll be adjusting, but I think we'll all grow into our new roles nicely. We have exciting new challenges. Dad is coaching Anna's soccer team, Moll's going out for the musical again and has another year with the SSYSO. I get to work a great non-profit and am starting a new teen "missions" team at church with my friend Cathy. Etc., etc. Our fall is filling up so fast I'm already short for white space on the calendar, warning Jeff that we pretty much have no free weekends through October now.
Instead of panic, though, I feel peace. For now anyway. Don't call me tomorrow morning at 8 am:)
No comments:
Post a Comment