Choosing to Trust

Building a family is not as easy as you think it's going to be when you say, "I do" at the altar.  When you are newly married and all your friends are newly married and everyone imagines being in love forever, your optimism is sky high.  As the years go on and you hear of some of those friends' marriages breaking up or accounts of infidelities, your heart sinks with sadness.  

Then there are my women's studies classes that pitch all kinds of ideology at me, with certain articles preaching about how by being a married woman who is choosing to rely on my husband's breadwinning while I bring up my children I am serving to oppress women further.  This is kind of disheartening to someone who imagines herself a person who fights for women's betterment around the globe.  Just thought I'd throw that out there to all of you who haven't wallowed as deeply into ultra-feminism and been blessed with such criticism.  

Anyway, at this stage of the game, I have invested deeply in my marriage.  So much so that I am not going by the way of the ultra-feminists, and an affair or divorce would rock my world (in a bad way).  Sometimes another couple's painful tale hits too close to home, and all of the things I shove to the fringes of my consciousness for the sake of my sanity zoom at me full throttle.  All the nights Jeff has late classes.  All the trips away from us.  All of the time spent with grad students or colleagues.  All the opportunities for things to come between us.  

At the time it became apparent that Jeff's absences would be our lifestyle henceforth, I made a choice to deliberately choose to trust Jeff.  Not that I am foolish or blind, but I know that our relationship is stronger because I do not indulge the what ifs.  When I hear of the latest sad family crisis, my instinct is to draw in, protect myself, start investing more heavily in just me.

But in marriage, vulnerability is part of the deal.  With it comes incredible growth and joy too.  Waiting and planning for misfortune is the wrong approach.  Jeff and I aren't the best at marriage enrichment classes and such, but we have been around the block enough to know that opening the lines of communication is the better route.  

The truth is, I really love my marriage and I love my husband even more.  I love the family we have together, the life we have together.  These things are a gift I cherish.  So we will continue making our plans for the future together. I will continue to be his biggest fan, even if that isn't very feminist of me.