Collective Monologues

Child Psych majors and Human Development majors alike will recognize that phrase as Piaget's description of how young preoperational stage children, who are still quite egocentric, actually have "conversations." It seems as if they are having a conversation, but really, they are each just thinking aloud.

In other words, not really listening to what the other person is saying.

Piaget was a "stage theorist," believing that stages are chronological, and once you pass through, you're changed, and you don't go back to a previous stage. I don't know if I believe this, because I think we adults are often guilty of this preoperational stage way of conversing. Especially with the invention of Facebook.

This is most obvious to me in my family. My kids will try and tell me something that is important to them (such as the details on the computer alter ego they just created) and I will respond with something unrelated that is important to me (such as, "Why is that pile of stuff you were supposed to put away still there?"). Jeff will excitedly share with me some amazing news story or try to get me over to the computer while I am cleaning up after dinner, and I in turn will share with him how nice it would be to be able to play on the computer and not have to run around doing chores all night.

I don't think any of us are listening to one another. Our own streams of thought drown out real communication.

When I really do listen, it's nice. I find out what my kids are really thinking. I discover how funny and clever they are. Jeff seems more willing to tell me what is really going on in his life if I actually listen to him. Instead of "mmmhmming" to my droning monologues. If I don't listen, they aren't particularly inclined to listen either. What's in their head is far more interesting to them than dirty clothes on the floor. Obviously.

One of these days, maybe I will pass the stage of egocentric thinking.