So, I got a fork. Or two. Or three. It still is hard to dig your way out of a mess with forks, but at least I'm making progress.
Fork #1: Francis Chan. Author of crazy love.
There is some good stuff in that book. I'll just be skimming through, trying not to like it too much (you don't want me to expound on my views about Christian bandwagon jumping), and I'll just stop, dumbfounded at how I'm being spoken to by a certain idea. To put it as succinctly as possible (for me): God loves us more than we love our children (and, therefore, God loves my children even more than I do). None of us are accidents. Our lives are precious. And also fleeting. All that together: puts a different perspective on things.
Fork #2:My friend Cathy called me and asked exactly, specifically what is going on lately. Then she proceeded to listen and ask thoughtful questions for an hour. As if anything could be more noteworthy than a friend calling specifically to listen what crappy stuff is happening in your life, this is a New York friend. I didn't realize I had a New York friendship that was there yet. Monumental. Add to that, a Michigan friend calling for the same reason (sorry I missed your call, Nichole!), indicating that I am gone but not forgotten, and still loved. Huge. Ok, this paragraph may indicate that fork #2 is indeed a shovel.
Fork #3. My daughter watched Madame Blueberry today. I was furiously preparing baked goods for my parents' arrival tomorrow. As I constructed danishes, I heard Madame wail "I'm so blue hoo hoo..." and know this movie well enough to be able to envision her flung over a sofa with her faithful butlers Bob and Larry serving her tea and trying in vain to cheer her up. This half-hour episode is more convicting that 90% of sermons I have listened to. Usually, it's the Stuff-Mart scene that slaps me upside the head. Today, Madame Blueberry wailing about how everyone else has it good and she is just too blue to get off the couch was my ouch! moment. I finally registered the conversations that took place during the Missions Team meeting Tuesday night about Pastor's recent trip to Uganda, and about how amazing his friends there are, and what great things they do with seemingly insurmountable problems and so little money. Add to that, the incredible generosity of the people sitting around me that night. "Just 1000 dollars will get the school that well. That's my Christmas budget this year. That's it." and "100 dollars - it's like half a month's salary for that guy. What's it to me?" were the things I was hearing. And in my black (and blue) heart I felt a fleeting pang of "Why, it's almost a pair of new boots I've been wanting!" This actually was neither a fork nor a shovel, but a kick in the a$$.
Today was not a good day as far as my little sweetie goes. But she will be ok. We'll be ok. Thanks for sticking with all the craziness, dear blog reader friends.
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