I try really hard to be a good mom. In the white middle class American sanctioned way, at least. My daughters get fed, clothed, housed, educated, transported, activitied, quality-timed, read-to, enriched, churched, groomed (this one's iffy as they are getting responsible for this themselves...), health-cared, and protected to the best of my ability. Either Jeff or I tries to be present at their events, and involved in their school.
Tonight we are stuck in conflict city. Thankfully, Jeff had a very important meeting he ended up not needing to go to. But Molly has a mandatory chorus concert and Anna has a highly-promoted reading night at school that she begged to attend. Anna hates school, if you remember (um, so maybe we're not doing so well in the "educated" department either), and anytime she WANTS to go, we move heaven and earth to get her there. I also had minor surgery scheduled for this morning. You have to schedule light years before you know that your kid is dying to go to reading night that you just found out about last week. And anytime anesthesia is involved, I should know I'm no good for the rest of the day. I'm beyond the constant sleeping part, finally, but still in the nauseous part. Probably also in the "maybe you shouldn't be blogging" part too.
Jeff's solution is that he is dropping Moll off, going with Anna, dropping Anna off for bedtime, then going to the concert. He might miss Molly's group sing. Molly promised up and down that she could care less if we are there; she is only worried about Jeff being there at pick-up time. I can't drive today. Jeff pretty much refused to give me a ride.
My point is, that I had to let go of the "we are good parents" thing as my child is probably singing as I write this, to no parent in the audience. We have to join the ranks of single parents who have to make these decisions often, and parents who have the kinds of jobs that make it very difficult to get to kids' extra-curricular activities. It's a good lesson to me about privilege and control. It also makes me think about other ways I need to be a good parent, that often I pay less attention to because usually I get to check all the other boxes.
1 comment:
First, you AREN'T giving up the gold start. Secondly, I hope you are okay. Third, as Mother's OUR needs are often put to the side, and there are times when we MUST put them first. This not only shows our children we care for them but ourselves, leading them to learn to truly care and respect themselves as they grow. You are a wonderful mother who models loving, care, compassion and citizenship for both your daughters! And a side note: Anna can come homeschool with us! We're studying the Habitat's of New Jersey (with plans to hike and visit them this spring), they are doing Amphibians. Simone's doing some Faith Based reading but is very into reading the Rainbow Fairies right now. We're using Singapore Math, and science, well, um we're planning our garden. Send her down til June :)
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