I am noticing something. I don't think I'm living fully in Syracuse. Part of me is still really attached to all I've left behind.
Over a year here and I feel exhausted about relationship building. I wonder if I'm being less enthusiastic than I have been during past moves, because it's really hard to make friends, then leave. Make friends, then leave. Not that I think we're leaving anytime soon. (Though there is nothing in the bag about getting tenure...).
It is a tough line to walk, maintaining old and dear relationships and simultaneously investing in new ones. There is only so much social energy in one's being. (Or time in one's schedule).I am having difficulty balancing on this fence right now. It seems to me that I have been putting too many eggs in the "old" basket and not enough in the new.
It is so difficult, because I love my old friends and miss them. But they're 9 hours away. And that's too long to even get visitors, really. And when I'm home, it's such a whirlwind trying to spend enough time with my family and my friends.
But I feel drained. The semester is coming to a close, which means exams. We still haven't figured out what to do about school and Anna. I want a good cry for no good reason, really, and I think Jeff's shoulder needs a rest. The phone is ok in a pinch but I want a real shoulder. And it feels really risky to snot up new friends' shoulders for no good reason.
But I bet your shoulder's feeling a little icky right now, huh?
4 comments:
Virtual shoulders are good in a pinch, too. And I'm used to stuff being all over mine. Just yesterday, slobber. So, no worries.
I hate making new friends. I know the necessity of it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Kind of like potty training, maybe?
At least with sisters you don't have to keep finding new ones. :) We're always around.
You are so not off the hook, Kristy;) You are NOT around as much as I wish you could be! We have 2 feet of snow and a fireplace and waffle maker .... are you tempted? :)
It actually scares me and makes me feel better that you've been there longer than I've been here. I know that doesn't help you any, but as I get down... I know I'm not alone.
I seem to put too many eggs in too many baskets in hopes that one is in the right place... not the right way to do it either.
Just yesterday, I was racking my brain, wondering who I could call and unload my woes on. And, yes, people that REALLLY know you and live near you would be so much better... people that know your history and will listen.
Sounds like a need a sister :)
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